It doesn’t have to be super complicated. Keep it simple and say, “Hi, mom and dad, can we talk?” or “Hey mom and dad, I need to talk with you guys. Can I come by this weekend?” It’s not fair to introduce your partner without getting an idea of how your parents are going to react first. You don’t want too potentially ruin their first meeting.

Try saying, “This is my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé, and I’m going to be with them. They’re very special to me, and I’d like you to meet them. But first, I need to know that you’re willing to be civil and respectful. ” Don’t beat around the bush. Get it out in the open so you can talk to your parents about it. Be firm but kind about how you feel. Try not to alienate or isolate your parents. Talk about how important they are to you and how much you care about them. [3] X Expert Source Collette GeeDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.

Tell them, “You always told me to love everybody equally. Well, that’s what I’m doing!” You could also say, “I thought you would be more open and accepting than this. That’s what you taught me to be as a kid. ”

For example, say something like, “I can see you’re worried that things will be hard for our future children, but those attitudes are changing. We can all play a part in making sure those prejudices become a thing of the past. ” Some objections won’t be so easy to address or “fix. ” For instance, if your parents genuinely believe that people of other races are inferior, you may have to accept that you won’t be able to have a rational conversation with them about the issue. Even if you can’t find common ground, you can still acknowledge your parents’ feelings. Say something like, “I know this is really upsetting to you, Mom, but I just don’t agree with you. ”[6] X Research source

Try saying, “I don’t want to cut you out of my life, but I will if you aren’t willing to respect my choices. ” You could also try, “I don’t have any room for hate or prejudice in my family. If that’s what you choose, then I won’t be around you. ” Reiterate how much you want them to be a part of your life. For instance, “I want you to be at my wedding and to see my children, your grandchildren. That can’t happen if you don’t accept my partner. ”

For example, say something like, “Dad, it’s very hurtful when you make jokes about my boyfriend’s hair. If you do that again, we’re going to have to end the call. ” If you have specific concerns about how your parents are going to act, talk to them about it ahead of time. For instance, you could say, “We want to visit for spring break this year, but I need to know that you won’t try to argue with Abeerah about her religion. ” You can also set limits for yourselves on how you’ll interact with your parents. For instance, if you find that things get tense when you’re around them for long periods of time, you might agree not to spend more than 1 day at their house.

For instance, if your partner is Middle Eastern and Muslim, and your parents are serving ham or other pork products, gently explain why eating pork isn’t okay for your partner. This doesn’t mean you can’t correct your parents if they’re wrong. If they have negative stereotypes about your partner’s race, call them out for it and explain how it’s not okay.

For example, you could have your partner cook a meal or introduce your parents to some of the music and entertainment they enjoy if your parents haven’t experienced it before. It’ll be fun! Don’t force your partner to hide parts of their identity. Let them be themselves around your parents.

If your parents have never heard of some of your partner’s customs or culture, don’t get frustrated or upset with them. Instead, give them a chance to learn.

For instance, say something like, “My parents have some really old-fashioned ideas about people of different races and cultures, and they’re not very happy about us being together. But I want you to know that I love you and I’m on your side in this. ” If you have concerns about how your parents will behave around your partner, let your partner know ahead of time. Come up with a plan for what you will do if things get out of hand. For example, “If they start to act disrespectful, we’ll leave right away. ”

For example, you might take a yoga class together, go on walks as a couple every day, or collaborate on creative projects.

Even if you don’t have other interracial couples to hang out with, make a point of surrounding yourselves with people who are supportive of your relationship. [14] X Research source

Maybe in time, your parents will see the error in their ways. But until then, you don’t have to put up with their negativity.